I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
