We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
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I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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