I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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