I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
