I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
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Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
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LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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