Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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