Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
