and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
