and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
