Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
This house was built for laser tag.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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