I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
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Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
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I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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