I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
