So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
