Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
