So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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