last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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