I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Randomize
