it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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