is your mom at the bar?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
