when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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