I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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