By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
