M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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