I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
