obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
