we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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