the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
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She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
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I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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