i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
