it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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