i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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