dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
