I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize