Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Randomize
