Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
