he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
