So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
