The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
