is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You were trust falling into bushes
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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