he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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