She announced her abortion via fbk
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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