i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
