Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
