I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
