Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
