you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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