first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
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Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
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Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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