yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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