Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Boobs speak an international language.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
