so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
