My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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