i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
