Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
