That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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