And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
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I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
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Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Come on in and take your pants off
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