Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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