I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
