Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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