so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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