My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Randomize
