I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
