I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
