people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
