you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
