So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just blew my weed a kiss
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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