You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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