Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
