does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
