Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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