ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
