A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
