Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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