i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
