woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
