Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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