sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
