I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize