Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
